As parents, you care and love for your children all your life and watch carefully to protect them from harm. Many parents plan ahead for their child by doing things such as purchasing life insurance. However, very few think about the next critical step of protecting their child’s future and well being, guardianship.
Death is not easily to think about but it is something that will come to all of us in time. The tragedy is when it comes too soon and unexpectedly, leaving your child behind without the love and guidance that you can provide. However, you can protect your child from this risk by planning out how you want your child to be care for if you are gone. This can be simply done by leaving a list of instructions with your will or as formal as drawing up a guardianship document with detailed wishes.
It is not a complicated process but something that you can get done fairly quickly. We have provided a fillable cheat sheet that helps you address the guardianship details in five minutes.
You can also make it a enjoyable project that helps you project out your dreams for your child. It can be a wonderful journey of discovery about your life, relationships and desires.
Why is it important to designate a guardian for your child?
- Love and affection. If someone dies without any instruction, typically the law transfer guardianship of the minor to the nearest living relative. This may not always be the best choice. Just because someone is related does not mean that they want the responsibility of raising a child. Children should be loved and disciplined. They know when they are not wanted. A reluctant guardian can become bitter and take out the anger on the child. In some case, the guardian might be a grandparent and they are too old and have no energy or desire to bring up a child anymore.
You can either choose a guardian to bring up your child or you can choose a guardian to look over your child. The option is yours depending on what you think would be the best case. You can have fun by thinking through who you can trust to care for your child and who has the same values that you do.
- Capability. Love is important but so are discipline and values. I have friends and family who I love dearly but who I would never trust a child with. It’s not because they would not be loving but because they are still children mentally. Do you really believe that someone who is self absorbed or completely flaky would be able to step up and take responsibility for years. Can you trust them to have that self discipline?
A child is not something that you can put aside until you felt like dealing with it. Medical emergencies have to be handled immediately. Tears need hugs and bad deeds need discipline.
- Control. Remember that guardianship is not warm and fuzzy as we assume. It is about total control of someone’s life, your child. You should make sure that you can trust this person to truly care for your child’s best interest and/or will execute your wishes for your child.
- Legality. Guardianship is a legal relationship between your child and the guardian. It allows the guardian to enroll your child in school, make medical decisions and a whole host of other activities that you take for granted as a parent enjoying full legal rights.
- Family conflicts. Choosing a specific guardian helps reduce family squabbles when several members of the family feel that they would be a better choice to take care of your child. This can happen when there are multiple aunts and uncles with equal claims.
- Inheritance. In some cases, you as the parent may need to become your child’s guardian if they inherit an estate. The guardianship would allow you to manage the assets on behalf of your child because now you have legal responsibilities.
Some important steps to consider about guardianship:
- Guardian vs. Trustee – A guardian may be capable of taking care of the child but may not have strong financial skills to manage your finances to cover the length of your child’s need. You may want to consider setting up a trust and a separate trustee to handle the finance and give an allowance to the guardian.
- Choose a successor Guardian and Trustee. This is in case the guardian becomes ill or passes away while your child is still young during the guardianship term. It ensures that your wishes is still being carried out even if your first choice becomes incapable.
- Do you want to pay the Guardian or Trustee? Is caring for your child an additional financial hardship for the guardian? Do you want to consider paying them a fee to help with the extra costs?
- Do you want independent review of the Guardian and/or Trustee? Do you want to have someone such as an attorney to occasionally review your child’s lifestyle and financial situation? If so, you would need to set that up and provide for fees and guidelines.
- Your hopes and dreams. This is the fun part. This is where you get to sit down and write out all your dreams for your child. Detailed out how you want your child to be cared for. Do you want private elementary school? Are there particular hobbies that you want your child exposed to? Do you want your child to be able to visit certain family members? Feel free to brainstorm.
- Love letters. Take the time to put down your feelings for your child. Write love letters that help your child remember you and to guide them. This is for you as much as for your child. It is a legacy that your child will remember forever. When I was going through an illness and needed to set up final dispositions, these love letters helped me come to terms with regrets and guilt. They validated my love for my family and gave me the energy to fight every day.
Here’s a sample one:
My darling ___,
I want to tell you how much I love you and will always be there for you even if you don’t see me. I know that I haven’t always been the ___ that you wanted and I irritated you like crazy. I hope that with time, you will remember the good times we had instead of all the times that I was late to your school events. I’ve accepted that you will never forgive me for ruining your belief in Santa Claus by accident when I gave you a gift from Santa to put under the tree for _________ . I’m sorry that you didn’t get to keep the fantasy til you were 12 years old like the others but look on the bright side, you didn’t have to spend 2 days wrapping erasers and pencils in fake boxes or got teased by your friends. I know that I’ve made many other mistakes that hurt you but always know that I meant well.
I want you to remember that you are beautiful and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and how you feel about yourself will control how others see you. Be confident in who you are. Stay true to your values and beliefs. I’ve given you the tools to judge yourself. You are already going to be your own harshest critic so don’t allow others to add to your burden.
We may not be able to do things together anymore but a bit of me is in everything that you do. It’s my fault that you can identify a specific designer at 50 feet or be accused of being opinionated when you stand up for your beliefs……….
I will love you always and will be looking down at you from heaven every moment (assuming God allows me in despite my cheeky attitude).
Your loving ________
Make sure that you plan for a guardian for your children just in case something unforeseen happens. Life insurance and money and things only address a portion of a child’s need. They don’t tuck a child into bed at night, read stories, kiss boo boos, fight the monsters under the bed, or scare off the neighborhood teenage Lothario. It takes a human being to give that love and to help keep your memories alive.
It’s not a painful or time consuming thing to do. Once you set it up, you now have peace of mind and can focus on the future.
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