What will be the most valuable thing to a senior? I suspect that the answer is having choices or freedom. It’s impossible to calculate how important or valuable such a small thing could be until it is taken away from you.
We’re incredibly fortunate to live in the United States where our freedom is protected for the most part.
However, choices are taken away from us every day by well meaning people. They range from our politicians, our neighbors to our own family. I found recently that I was guilty of depriving my mother of her choices.
Many kind readers of Money and Risk had sent me emails earlier in the year, asking about me when I stopped posting for a while. In response, I shared the choice to focus on my family versus writing blog posts.
My mother came down with pneumonia twice during the holidays and almost died due to a mysterious infection that she picked up in the hospital. She went on life support and after almost two months of no food, her health was never the same.
As a wheelchair bound senior, she still does not accept her physical limitations. It is hard for her to go from jumping ropes daily to using a wheelchair or walker with helpers. We catch her trying to do normal chores all the time and arguments would ensued. Out of love and worry, we restrict her movements and activities.
I never thought much about our reactions until I read a lovely short story by Nancy Fulda on the Baen Free Library site.
It’s called That Undiscovered Country and it made me think. The story is about a group of seniors who fought being put out to pasture. I won’t ruin the story with spoilers but here are some of the issues that the story brought up.
* What if you’re still enjoying life and want to continue challenging yourself? Would our society allow you to?
* What pains do we inflict and damages to relationships do we cause in the name of love?
* Do we have the right to choose for someone else as to how they live?
For myself, I have always believed in working until the day I say goodbye to life. The key for me is having a choice. I can’t imagine sitting around doing petit point or watch TV for 50 years in retirement.
Retirement is about having the choice to work at what I want, when I want, and at what I enjoy. If I choose to take six months off to hike in Alaska, I will have the freedom to do so. If I choose to come in to work every day and am doing a capable job, it’s my right to do so as long as someone is willing to pay for my expertise.
I would be quite upset if I was told that I’m not allowed to work or hike in the wilderness because of what someone think I’m capable of versus what I can actually do.
Unfortunately, this loss of choice is something that many people are already facing especially with the current rate of unemployment. Many professionals over 50 have already been forced into early retirement. How difficult it would be to lose the few options you have left because your family cared too much.
I work hard at providing seniors with choices and options for their retirement yet I did not think about my own mother’s situation. Love can make you quite blind.
Nancy’s story changed how I take care of my mother. I don’t keep her from doing things anymore but I make sure that she has all the support and tools she needs to do it without harm. Will I have tremendous guilt and self anger if she hurt herself? Absolutely, but I don’t have the right to stop her from fighting to regain her mobility.
READERS: Are you a caregiver too? What do you think about our dilemma?
© 2010 MoneyandRisk.com all rights reserved
photo credit: NASA Space Center
Nancy Fulda won the 2011 Jim Baen Memorial contest for That Undiscovered Country. The contest is a joint venture between Baen Books and the National Space Society for best short story about man’s future in space. Jim Baen was a marvelous individual and editor who supported reading and exploration about our future.
You can buy other short stories by Nancy such as Dead Men Don’t Cry. She is currently living in Germany working as an entrepreneur while taking care of three children.
“Nancy, thank you for making me think. Kim”
